MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD.

AT AROUND 5PM TODAY ON OUR BACK FROM AN AMAZING NEW AND CHEAP GROCERY STORE WE JUST FOUND IN GREENPOINT, WE OVERHEARD ONE DUDE ON HIS CELLPHONE YELL, "MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD." I PERSONALLY THOUGHT HE WAS KIDDING, BUT THE TRUSTY TMZ TOLD US IT WAS TRUE. SO, WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE APT, WE PUT ON THRILLER, MADE SOME YUMMY BLUE CHEESE BURGERS, SET ASIDE THE ACCUSATIONS OF MOLESTATION, AND MOURNED FOR MR. JACKSON. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT, GUT TELLS ME THIS MAY BE A HOAX, AND IF IT IS... WHAT AN INCREDIBLY SMART MOVE ON HIS PART.